Nothing really prepares you for the social whiplash of young-adulthood. I remember, a few years back, staring life in the face as a newly minted college grad. How, I wondered, is friendship in the adult world supposed to work? No longer was I surrounded by my peers virtually all hours of the day. Now, I was out on my own among unfamiliar faces, working a bona fide job, learning to broaden my palate beyond microwave popcorn and fruit snacks, and all the while wrestling with an unfamiliar sense of isolation.
It wasn’t until I took the plunge of “plugging in” during my off-hours that I began to form meaningful relationships that continually bring great fulfillment, excitement, and encouragement to my life. It has been my experience that the investment of time and energy that friendship requires pays infinite returns. Below are several reasons why to pursue friendships in your off-hours, advice on where to get started, and pointers on how to go about deepening your connections with others.
Why is friendship worth the effort?
- Shared interests and experiences. There’s good fun and great joy to be had in pursuing your passions alongside someone who shares them. Even if you consider yourself an introvert, having a like-minded buddy or buddies with whom to pursue certain experiences can add to your enjoyment of them.
- Fostering a true work-life balance. If your office is your only social outlet, then over time you may begin to lose sight of the boundary between work and life. While friendships at work ought to be celebrated and cultivated, they should not prevent you from forming outside friendships in your off-hours. It expands and enhances your perspective to spend time with people who are engaged in work that is different from your own.
- Companionship and counsel. How wonderful it is to have someone in whom you can regularly and openly confide – who knows you well and who loves you anyway. Friendship allows us to experience the sincere and loving interest of a fellow human being. It is a true blessing to be able to bare your heart to another and to be someone to whom another bares his or her heart.
Where should I begin?
- Find a club or community organization that you’re interested in. If you’re intimidated by the thought of starting from scratch, search out structured opportunities to socialize. By plugging into a group that centers around a common cause or interest, you’ll be able to connect with individuals who share at least one of your passions.
- Enroll in a fun class. Perhaps you’ve wanted for a while to explore the world of pottery or to pursue your love of poetry. Regardless of what appeals to you, consider signing up for a class at a local studio, public library, etc. This is a wonderful way to meet others as you nurture your creative side.
- Form a friend group. Don’t be afraid to take the lead in organizing group hang-outs. As you start to establish relationships, encourage your newfound friends to invite friends of their own to a movie or game night that you’re hosting. If you’re more introverted in nature, you might desire to keep your circle small, but if you’re more of an extrovert, you may say, the more the merrier!
- Perhaps you’ve lost touch with a good friend of yours and would like to revive the relationship you once had. If they live near you, reach out to them to see if they’d like to grab coffee or enjoy a meal together. If they’re some distance away, give them a call to check in and try to establish a catch-up cadence.
- Get up off the couch. I’m sure this is obvious from the preceding points, but the best way to find friends is to get up and go out, rather than staying in and tethering yourself to the television. Friendship requires effort, yes, but it is infinitely more rewarding and more humanizing than binge-watching another series on the streaming service of your choice.
How can I form meaningful relationships?
- Be interested. Ask sincere and thoughtful questions. Take their desires and concerns to heart. Suggest activities and show generosity in ways that reflect an awareness of their likes and dislikes. If you hope to develop deep and enduring friendships, then it is vital that you shift your focus outward; that you remain observant of your friends’ preferences; and that you convey, in both word and deed, that you genuinely care.
- Be transparent. How easy it is to allow others to see the good in your life while withholding the bad and the ugly. In any meaningful friendship, transparency is a key ingredient. It’s intimidating, to be sure, and it requires equal shares of discernment, trust, and humility. But the friendship that lasts is the one that is built on steady communication and mutual concern through times of joy and times of hardship.
- Be available. The demands of your schedule could always serve as an excuse not to carve out the time, but if you truly desire to deepen your friendships, busyness must not be a barrier. I’m preaching this as much to myself as to anybody, because this is a struggle with which I closely identify. All too often, I permit the claims on my time to prevent me from claiming the time to cultivate friendships. I aim to do a better job myself of seizing and guarding time to invest in relationships.
The transition into adulthood can be bewildering, particularly as it affects your social life. But the good news is that “grown-up” friendship is possible and, in so many ways, essential. Each one of us is different in our relational needs, but there is no question that friendship forms an integral part of our well-being. If you’d like some help getting started, give the tips above a try!